This House Is Not A Home
by ExistInspire
Summary: A well known superstars daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.
1. Walking Away

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** This is the first try at something this dark, but due to family influences I have decided to take a stab at it. Get it? Stab? Well love me or hate me, I heard a song, it fueled the idea and now I shall run with it. Let me know what you think and if I should even bother to continue. The father will be revealed in the next chapter if I continue with it.

* * *

_**One Year Earlier**_

_"I'll be coming home just to be alone  
Cause I know you're not there, and I know that you don't care  
I can hardly wait to leave this place"_

The music was blaring, the walls almost shaking in their disgust and as she sat alone in the darkness she couldn't even bother to care. She had been living with her father since their mother felt the need to take her brother and get the hell out and she was going to do it her own way.

_"This house is not a home."_

The banging on the walls from her fathers bedroom was erratic and she knew from experience that he was almost at his limit and he would soon barge into her room taking the stereo out with him. She didn't care; it had always been that way. At least since that bitch had walked out on them.

"Yeah some mother you turned out to be Rebecca. Take your son, your pride and joy Connor, and leave me to deal with the fallout."

Wasn't that always the way when one of your parents was famous and never home? Did anyone else have to deal with this kind of betrayal or was she just destined to be the carrier for all?

Sliding up the sleeve on her arm, knowing in the back of her mind that she didn't have much time if she wanted to get it done, she grabbed the razor and let it slice just deep enough to leave yet another brutal and bloody scar.

No one knew she did it, although her father always suspected. She was messed up and she knew it, but for her the feeling wasn't about pain, it was more the pleasure of it. There was such an erotic pleasure out of placing a cut into her skin that there was no description for.

Would she do it if her life was normal like all of her friends? No, but she was stuck with the situation, so she could do what she wanted with it. The control of her own body and the slicing was hers alone, something only she had the power to break herself of. She was finding though, with every slice, she didn't want to stop. It eased the real pain.

The door slammed open then, almost off the hinge, her father busting into the room precisely as planned, ready to either put his hand to her to bring fear, or to yell and steal her stereo.

"Grace, what the hell has gotten into you lately? Haven't you heard me banging for over an hour for you to relax on the volume?"

Leave it to her father never to raise his voice too much or say the wrong thing. He always had to get it right. It must have been all that television training in the WWE. Made him seem perfect in everyway. Another reason she didn't fit in with his plans.

The blood dripped then, splashing itself slowly on the carpet, seemingly making a noise that not even her father could miss. The last thing she needed was for him to see what she had been doing to herself.

"Grace what the hell happened? You're bleeding!" he yelled grabbing her arm and rolling her sleeve back up to where it had been only seconds before he came barging in. "Holy Shit!"

She let her gaze meet her father's and thinking to see anger what she saw totally shocked her. For the first time since her mother had walked out on them, he actually looked worried sick.

"How long has this been going on baby? Why didn't you tell me you had gotten this bad?"

"I didn't tell you because you never fucking listen. What did you want me to say Dad? Oh sorry but I've been cutting myself since Mom left? You wouldn't have paid attention anyway. You never pay attention."

Slicing her hand from her father's grasp, she ran from the room, making sure to take the stairs two at a time to get out of there as fast as she could.

As she made it to the front door, she heard her father calling behind her, the words that would haunt her for the rest of her days.

"You never let me pay attention."

* * *


	2. Out Of The Darkness

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** Thank you three for the reviews pushing me to continue and for being intrigued where I am going to take it as it continues. It is my first of this magnitude and I aim to please as well tell a good heart felt story.

* * *

**One Year Later – Present Time Line**

"_I think I'm better off alone."_

"Grace, I know it's probably useless calling but if by chance you get this please come home. I don't know what is going on between us but if you aren't here I can't fix it."

She slammed the cell phone shut wondering why she didn't just trash the damn thing when she left home a year ago to the day. The last person she wanted to hear from seemed to be the only person that wanted to call her and she couldn't help but be a little pissed off. She wished her father were dead. Maybe then she might be able to live her life by her own rules.

Not that she wasn't doing that right now. She had been living hand to mouth for the last year. Taking up residence with friends from school and then people she met through them. If her father only knew what had happened to her in the last year he would shit himself.

You see she was no longer the precious virgin baby girl anymore. She had met a guy and had chosen that now was better then never and had slept with him. Sure she didn't love him, and she vowed she wouldn't sleep with anyone until she did, but with the way her father was, she doubted any man would ever really love her the way she wanted them too.

Truth be told, she wasn't better off alone, she needed to go home and work everything out with her father. Sure he was a famous wrestler, but a lot of people had parents that were and they turned out alright. No the person that she really needed to see was her mother. Show her mother the cutting of her arms and legs she had been doing everyday since she left and make her feel real pain.

Not only did the bitch take her adorable older brother away from her, but she also walked out on the best thing that could have happened to her, forgetting her daughter in the process. Sometimes life just sucked.

She stood before the door now, after weeks of searching, knowing that late was better then never to talk to her missing in action mother. She contemplated knocking on the door, but before she could reach for the bell, the door opened in front of her, displaying her missing brother Connor.

"Yeah what do you want?" he snapped, not recognizing her even after such a short time since they saw each other. He had changed from what she could tell. He was taller like their mother now, but he still had the Shawn Michaels classic wrestling look that she had spent the last 17 years of her life watching on television.

"I want to talk to our mother you jackass. You wanna tell me when the bitch will be home?"

Recognition hit Connor's face then, making it light up in part happiness and part sadness. It was obvious to Grace that he wasn't sure whether he wanted to be happy to see her or not.

"Grace? Holy shit it is you!"

"Wow man, you want a fucking medal for that number or shall I get you something less worthy?"

He scowled and she laughed. She had been living with their father for so long; it was amazing that her scowl hadn't turned out like Connor's. It was amazing how he was the spitting image of their father in every way.

"Come in, she ain't home but will be in a few minutes. I made her go to the video store for me."

"Same old Connor huh?"

"Never changes. You want something to drink?"

She smiled then, wondering if her two year older brother was a drinker like their father and his family and friends. "Yeah you got anything harder then Cola? I was on the road a long time."

"Nah, mom gave up the partying when she left Dad I'm afraid to admit. I do have some pot if you want to relax though. The one thing she gives me money to buy. I think the old bitch feels bad."

As Grace listened to her brother speak she realized that maybe he had gotten hurt by the whole thing too. It wouldn't be a shock with the way her mother had just up and demanded the easy out clause.

"Yeah sure whatever you want to do man."

Before Connor walked away, he looked her in the eye, almost afraid to ask what was so obvious the question of the hour for him. "How is Dad anyway?"

"An asshole, much like our mother I'm sure. I haven't seen him in a year."

Connor shot her a look and walked away to get the pot. Before he had a chance to get back to her though, the door opened and their mother walked in. Making her way to the kitchen, paying no attention to the living room, she went to unpack the groceries and the movies.

Connor made his way down the stairs and cut Grace off at the pass before she started in on their mother. "Give me a chance to let her know you're here alright? Then you can rip her head off for all I care."

He did what he said he was going to do, and Grace could hear him telling her there was someone there to see her. She didn't question him any further which let Grace know she had people over all the time and within seconds they were face to face.

Smiling at her mother, watching her face turn ashen white she spoke lightly, not wanting to give up this moment for the world. "Hey Mother, happy to see your only little girl?"

* * *


	3. Dreaming Of What Could Be

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** Thank you again for the support on the second chapter. I will clarify things for you now. You asked who the father was, and I mentioned in chapter two it was Shawn Michaels, so if you missed it, there you go! Also she doesn't want anything to do with her mother up until this point, so her visit has to be taken badly unless otherwise noted. So why don't I just get on with the darn thing huh? It's mother daughter confrontation time.

* * *

"_I can hardly wait until you get off my case."_

Her mother stood in silence watching the young woman before her, knowing her as Grace, but also noticing she wasn't the same little girl that Rebecca had left behind so long ago. She took in her daughter's features, which seemed to be more, her own, if you didn't count her eyes. Rebecca was astounded by the clear blue eyes that she hadn't come across in years.

"Well aren't you happy to see your little girl mother?" Grace asked sarcastically, knowing full well that her mother probably didn't want her there to begin with. No matter what way she went she was never really wanted. Her father had wanted her around, but in the end he was just like everyone else she had ever come across, a two faced lying sack of shit.

"Yes—of course I am I am just a little surprised is all. What brings you here Grace? Does your father know where you are?"

Grace threw a smirk at her brother Connor when she heard the pause in her mother's voice. Sure she was happy to have her, as happy as some one with a toothache that wouldn't go away.

"No he doesn't know where I am, and I would rather keep it that way. I didn't come here to chit chat with you. I thought you might like to know what became of your daughter."

Her mother stood in silence as Grace slowly grabbed her shirt sleeves and began pulling up. She wasn't here for a social call, she knew that and it was time now that her mother saw for herself what she had done to her family and to her own daughter.

When she reached the top of her arm, the sleeve totally around her shoulder she heard her mother let out a sigh that Grace was sure could be heard ten blocks over. The desired effect had been reached and she had finished what she came to do.

"I have cut myself twice for every day since you pulled out and left us. What you see before you is cut after cut above each other and the healed one before that. You wanted to cause pain in dad's life, but you didn't just hurt him, you hurt me and probably Connor too."

She made a play for the door, happy with the deathly quiet response she had gotten from her mother and slammed her way out. Maybe now the stupid cow would think twice before thinking this entire world was about her. Apparently she needed to learn there were other people in it as well.

* * *

She sat silently on the bus, knowing she had done the right thing to her mother, and happy with the results. She was on her way now to the one place that she knew would drive her father nuts. It had been a year since he had seen her, and if things worked out the way she wanted them too, the next time he would be seeing her would be in the middle of the ring he called his home. 

It had been over six hours since she had walked out of her mother's house and she was almost to her destination in Connecticut. She knew the building of course, because it took up half of the downtown area in its size. Titan Sports Tower. The building where she would meet with Vince McMahon and sit down with the people that worked by his side. She wasn't going to be there as Grace Michaels though, she was going as someone totally different and she was damn sure going to make sure the meeting got her where she wanted to be.

She stood from her seat and made her way to the patron bathroom at the back of the vehicle. Assured that she was alone she stepped into the tiny space and pulled the razor out of her boot. It had been sitting in there for hours now, just waiting for the right time to come out. Well she needed courage now, and nothing gave her more courage then cutting herself.

She pulled her pant legs down and found the one spot that had been untouched in all the years since she had started. She had been saving this one spot for just the right time, and laying in on her father seemed like the best time of all. Slicing the razor across her leg she watched the blood begin to pour and fall.

She closed her eyes to the sensation and let it wash over her. She instantly felt better, much like a junkie right after the first fix in a week. She rolled her dark pant legs back down and washing her hands and putting the razor back in its location in her boot, she walked from the bathroom again.

Grace Michaels was now ready to take on the WWE.

* * *


	4. Take A Risk, Make A Change

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** I do not have any experience with this illness but I have known more then one person that did it and the major reasons for it. Personally my thing of choice when I was this girl's age was popping codeine pills in excess and hoping it would all end. I do think that everyone goes through a dark period and once they have recovered from it, then they are the better for having gone through it. It's a hard story for me to right because it is like confronting demons that I remember at her age (my mother didn't leave though, lol) and because it tackles a topic that I have been an outsider too. I hope that as the story progresses you focus not on the bloody show that is being created from my brain but on the emotions that drive this person to do what she does. I do it and it makes me sleep better at night having written it. Now on with the chapter and thank you to all the supporters of it, whether the topic is harsh or not. You continue to stick with me and it means a lot.

* * *

"_I never found out how she would lie with a smile on her face, and the scratches she'd hide."_

She had been at Titan Sports Tower for little more then twenty minutes when the door to the main office opened and the one and only Vincent Kennedy McMahon walked out, dressed to the nines in a suit that looked tailor made and a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

She was a mess when she finally arrived there and decided if she was going to meet the Chairman of the WWE she needed a cleaner outfit. She had bandaged up the would to conceal the mess that her life really was and was now sitting in the chair wearing a sweet flowery dress that was lucky enough just to flow to her ankles. Grace knew it was best if she hid her pain for now. No need to freak her way out of a job, not when getting back at her father was first on her mind.

"Would you like to come into my office?" Vince asked, breaking her away from her thoughts and making her stand up and take notice. She was here now, and she had to make sure she did a good enough job to get in the front door of the company.

Nodding her head she followed the elder McMahon into the office, taking the seat directly across from Vince as instructed, ready now to plead her case and hope her tale of fallen woe would get her a contract. It wasn't everyday she wanted something this badly.

"So what is it I can do for you today Ms—

"Ms. Michales." She knew the play on her name would come out obvious but she hoped that for now, the pronunciation would make him believe she wasn't the little girl that ten years ago had sat on his knee.

"Well then what can I do for you?"

"I came here under the assumption that if you as the boss saw me, that there might be a way to get a contract as one of your Diva's."

Vince smirked at the use of the word Diva, which meant nothing more to him then an easy lay and an idiot in the ring and lay his hands on the table ready to hear what she was about to tell him. "You do know the Diva contest was over months ago. We have a winner."

"Yes but sir, if I can be blunt, you don't have me."

Vince raised his eyebrows, shocked at the amount of self praise this woman just seemed to elude too. What were the odds that they now had the female Rock in the room?

"What would we call you? That is if I did hire you. Certainly we couldn't use your real name, it doesn't seem good enough for television."

_It was good enough for my father, you jackass. _Grace thought as she nodded along with him despite how stupid he was beginning to sound. Better to make herself not seem too eager to get in, just eager about what she could do.

"Well here's a name for you, why don't you call me Raven? That one seemed to work for that no it all you had on your roster a few years back."

Vince laughed then, allowing the ice to break in the room and for him to realize that he had a quick mouthed kid in front of him that reminded him of some of the bigger names years before they hit stardom. Was there a chance that this girl could be the next great Diva and a champion?

"I'll give you one better princess. You want to work in this business, and then we are going to have to call you Poe."

"As in the writer?" she asked him, throwing him off balance because she knew what his game plan was with the name. He wanted her to think the name was girly and just walk out on him. Fat chance in that happening. She had a mission to accomplish before she would walk out of anywhere.

"Yeah the writer." Vince snapped then, finally getting angry that his attempts weren't working. "You want a chance, I can give you that. You have a six week probation period, we can use you as we see fit and in the end, if it works, you work for me."

She stood then, putting out her arm, thankful for the long sleeves and shook the man's hand. She had worked her way into the old man's heart, or his pants and now he had no other chance but take her under his wing. As the handshake ended, he walked her to the door.

"Come back here tomorrow and get your ticket out for the next show on Raw. The receptionist will have it ready for you. I can't wait to see what you have to show me."

As she walked down the hall she realized she couldn't wait either. The WWE was now in for the shock of its life, Michael's style. _Look out Dad, here I come._

* * *


	5. Pretty Girl

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** Well whether you know what it is or not, I am glad for one thing. I am glad I can give you insight into the mind of person who chooses and sometimes cannot control cutting themselves. It isn't the easiest topic for anyone to write about but hopefully I do it with class and not in a mean and ugly way. I only use this story to educate and get a story across, not to make anyone feel bad. Thank you for the reviews on the last couple of chapters that came in lately. With my other story on it's last legs, I decided to devote some time to looking after this one and not letting it fall by the wayside like two others on this account right now.

* * *

_**A Week Later in the Locker Room of Monday Night Raw**_

"Shawn you have to let her go man, she isn't coming home." Paul said, pulling his friend out of his worried state and back to the reality at hand.

It was true, it had been over a year since he had even talked to his daughter, let alone see her. The only other news he had gotten about her since then had been from his son when he called to tell his father that Grace had been by the house and saw their mother. Was it possible she was dead? Or was she out there happy to finally be away from the business and away from him?

It still haunted him, the night they talked last and every night since then he had spent sending her picture out, hoping for some sort of answer. What he had seen happening to her body that night had really woken him up to what he was doing to his little girl, the same little girl he had sworn to take care of.

"You don't get it man, she is MY daughter. Her mother didn't give a shit leaving her with me and I do not want to turn out the same way and just give up on her. It just doesn't seem right to me. I know I am not the best dad in the world but I didn't think I would make her stay away this long."

Paul touched his friend, the closest thing he had to a brother on the arm to show that if anything he still had support in his corner. He had practically watched Grace grow up in front of his own eyes and he knew what Shawn was going through. He thought she would have come back by now, but again Paul had been wrong. She seemed better off being away. He couldn't help seeing the toll it took on his friend though. He hated seeing Shawn go through such a horrible nightmare.

"She has to eventually come home. She can't make it on her own this long."

Shawn looked up at his friend and sighed loudly. He knew Paul had a point but he also knew his little girl and what she had become. Trying to take his mind off of his problems he remembered that Vince had hired a new girl for ring duties. He wondered with Paul being married to the daughter of the boss, if he would know anything about her.

"Your father in law hired a new girl didn't he?"

"Yeah, according to Stephanie, who met her a few days ago, she is some kind of spitfire. Apparently they are going to have her time keep my match tonight."

Shawn heard what Paul said and wondered if Grace had stayed with him if she would have ended up in the business by now. Was there a chance that some of the Michaels blood ran hot for the wrestling business besides his own?

"Don't worry Shawn, she will come home."

* * *

"_I never found out how she survived all of the sadness she kept inside"_

She had made it to the arena in record time that night and since being there had spent most of that time locked away in a sound truck figuring out what to do for her own theme music. The ironic thing was this was her father's game not hers and she didn't have the slightest clue what kind of music she wanted to come out too.

"So of all the bands you have heard that we showcase on our shows does anything click with you?" Jim Johnston the sound guy asked, wondering what would fit with a girl that looked this screwed up.

She had chosen her outfit for her debut seriously. Shedding the dress, figuring she would be cooler if she showed herself just as she was, arm scars and all. So she had taken clothes from Jeff Hardy and Amy Dumas's wardrobe or at least the wardrobe they used to have and figured a tough image might shake things up more.

She tuned back into Jim and realized something that would really make her father scream. "Do you have any Seether?"

Jim sorted through some CD's and came across the one disc that six months ago they had used for a Pay per View theme. He showed her what he found and she nodded. "Find a song called Love her and see what you can do with it. It would fit me best."

Jim nodded as she finally stood from the chair, knowing that she had better do whatever makeup she had to do before going out there and shocking everyone, including her father.

"I will mix it and then have it ready for when you go out."

She walked from the trailer and as she inched closer to the locker room area, she knew there was something that she had to do before she went out there. If blood scared anyone they had better shelter their eyes. Things were really coming together for her now, and with that, she needed a little more of a boost before her big moment. She had a special place that could be cut right now and have lasting results for weeks.

She pushed the locker room door open and immediately went for her pocket knife which she smuggled through the medal detector unnoticed. Staring at the shiny tip she lifted her cargo pants and immediately watched the blood flow. Oh yes, she was about to make a big bang in the WWE.

"You ain't seen nothing yet Dad, just you wait and see. Your little girl is coming home."

* * *


	6. Bring The Pain Below

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** With another story finished and ready for the record books, and another one starting the day after tomorrow or maybe tomorrow, I figured with the break I would do some updating on this one. I am glad that when you ready this story you can see people you know in the main character, for me it was seeing myself at about 15-18 and for others it is people, friends, family members and such. At least I can reach some people more personally then I thought I would with this story which makes me happy. A switch considering lately I've been down in the dumps over things that make no sense. (The ending of my other romance might be the biggest though, lol)

* * *

"_She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men."_

**Later On Monday Night Raw**

"We got the music ready for you, mixed and loaded. Let me know what you think when you get back here after the match alright?" Jim asked, meeting her backstage before her big moment just to let her know everything would run smoothly with her entrance and it wouldn't be mock silence like some of the newbie girls had in the back.

Nodding her head slowly, she remained focused on the curtain. Her father would be sure to watch this match, seeing as someone he was close to was in it, which meant if she played her cards right, it would take about five minutes for him to register that his little girl had now infiltrated the business he had helped strive and prosper at the expense of his family.

The arena got dark then, as they prepared to cue up the explosion that would hit as she walked down the ramp. The music came in, slow and melodic and within seconds she was making her way down the ramp, scars and all on parade for everyone, including her fool headed father to see.

The crowd reacted as she thought they would, not knowing who this girl was, but judging by the way she was dressed, was there to make an impact in a big way.

_If they only knew what I was really here to do._ She smiled and thought to herself as she furthered her way down the ramp, grabbing the rope and jumping over it to the inside. All of the years she had spent working out in her father's home gym and the karate she would learn from any guy at the local place looking for a score seemed to be paying off. She would kill for someone to call her a 'real mess' right now. She would sure show them.

The announcer looked her up and down, giving her the same look of shock and disgust not only that her mother had given her only weeks before, but also the look her father had been seen with the night she had walked away. Well screw him, he didn't know a damn thing about what was cool, not when he looked no younger then 100.

"The match has been changed due to injury in the backstage area." The announcer said, taking his eyes off Grace and focusing on the reason he was there. "Scheduled now will be a World Heavyweight Title match between Triple H and The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels."

As soon as she heard his name her blood ran cold and she ached to get in the back to get her razor and knife. When this happened to her, things changing without her consent, she usually needed a good cut before she could calm down. This wasn't far from the same now until she realized that her father would be the first person out and would see her dead away. Smiling again sickly she turned and waited for him to be introduced.

"First hailing from San Antonio Texas, weighing in at 240 LBS, HBK Shawn Michaels."

The explosions went off as he walked out and did the same routine she had spent years growing up with. No matter how old she got, she never truly understood what people saw in her father. The wrinkle lines were getting a little hard to hide and he now had a bit of a beer gut.

She settled herself down at ringside as he made his way down the ramp but before she could place herself, ready to watch her Uncle Paul make his way out, she felt someone staring a whole into her back.

Looking around she realized he must have been watching the monitor in the back, and had seen her make her way down, stealing the show right out from under him. His gaze on her now was one of pure shock and adrenaline. As she matched his glare head on, not backing down as her eyebrows matched his which were now lined in fury; she suddenly wondered if this was the right thing.

It was as if time had stood still in that moment because Paul, who was being paid to hate the man he now worked with was now in the ring following his friends gaze until it landed on the new guest time keeper. Realization set in with him and suddenly he took advantage and knocked her father to the ground.

As she watched her father fall to the ground the smile came back again as she realized maybe she would get her revenge after all. Her father was now going to pay, and it didn't even have to be at her own hands.

* * *

**A/N2:** This fic will start to pick up faster after this chapter, I just wanted to get this first part out of the way.

* * *


	7. Not The One

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** I have managed to put myself a chapter ahead of myself offline with my newest story and since I don't want to go ahead and write the whole thing in one night, I do want to write. So what better to write then this one? Well there isn't anything else, so this is what you get. I am still going to use the premise of Monday Night Raw for this chapter, but it is going to introduce father to daughter again, and also bring in someone to really use and play on her emotions a little more then her parents have. I hope you guys like it. It is my way of speeding things along better then they have been. Lori, by the way you said thank you to me for reading over that chapter, and you're welcome. Thank you for the reviews on this so far and I hope I don't disappoint.

* * *

"_I never found out how she survived - a life lived in lies is a life in denial"_

"How could he use the sledgehammer like that? These two men were friend's damnit!" Jim Ross could be heard screaming through the microphone loudly as Shawn was being helped out of the ring by the EMT's.

"These two aren't friends JR! Would you hit your friend over the back with a sledgehammer and then proceed to give him four pedigrees in a row?" The King answered back as Grace just sat by and waited to ring the bell again to signify the end of the match.

People might have seen it as Paul getting himself a DQ, but she knew better. Oh no, this was going to be so much sweeter.

She stood from her chair and instead of ringing the bell for the hundredth time like she had been to save face, she found her way to the ropes and jumped in to what it looked to everyone in the arena to help her ailing father, or at least see that the superstar before her now was alright. Little did they all know she had more planned then that?

Pushing her way past the emergency contact people, she slid down to the mat and could hear him whispering lightly for his little girl. Well he was about to get his wish. Still carrying the ring bell close by her side, she lifted it above her head and as it hit she watched as the blood just drained from the crowds faces.

Mission Accomplished she thought to herself as she prepared to hit him again with another low blow to the stomach and lower abdominal area. Before she had a chance to hit her mark though, she felt arms around her carrying her out of the ring and away from the real prize of seeing her father in pain in the middle of the ring.

As she was carried up the ramp she tried to get a good look at who had grabbed her and just what he thought he was doing with her.

They reached the back of the curtain and the man whose arms she had been in was revealed. Her uncle Paul or someone so close to her father that he was considered an uncle had carried her out of here and now had slammed her on the clothing trunk, leaving a huge ass dent in the box itself and even more then that on her ego.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing little girl?" Paul screamed at her, eyes so dark and full of anger she was sure he didn't want to hear the right answer.

"Payback Uncle Paul. Oh come on, tell me those sick bastards in the back and in the crowd didn't love seeing a girl beat up on a guy she doesn't know!"

"No Grace that is not what you did. You have been gone for a year and then manipulated your way into the place where your father works, to cause him more strife no doubt. What I want to know and I want to know now is why?"

Not being able to think of the right thing to tell her Uncle so that he wouldn't be so angry with her, she just proceeded to keep her mouth shut. What she didn't expect though was for her Uncle to see that as a sign of disrespect and show her such. With as much force as he could muster he slapped her then, knocking her already hurt butt off the clothing trunk and right down on the floor.

"Go home Grace and if I see you around here again I will make sure you pay for what you did out there."

"Fuck you Paul, you don't own me. Neither does that bastard in the ring. He deserved what he got and when I get the chance, so will you. You think I'm just this little messed up little girl, well you haven't seen anything yet."

She stormed off down the hallway to where she knew the locker room and her little pocket knife awaited her. She hadn't expected Uncle Paul to be the way he was, and if she couldn't make him pay, she was sure going to make sure someone did.

The slit this time was small and thin, but still sharp enough to the eye to see that the blood could be contained no longer. Oh yeah he was going to pay alright, they all were when Grace Michaels was finished with them. They all thought she didn't know the secret they'd been keeping but she knew and she was going to make sure the whole world knew.

* * *

"You alright man?" Paul asked as Shawn tended to the bandages on his chest. He knew it wasn't the smartest thing to ask the man who had just taken a beaten at the hands of his daughter but he didn't know what else to say. 

"No Paul I am not alright. My own daughter was in that ring with me tonight and instead of helping me or at least being there for me she chose to kick my ass all over the place when she knew I couldn't do anything to stop her. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Pretty fucking lousy I guess."

Shawn stared at his friend for the longest time, wondering why he hadn't noticed the resemblance before now. Sure she had some of his actions and traits, but mostly she looked like her mother, and in that split second, something else more serious hit. She looked like his best friend, the man before him now. The man who had always been known as her Uncle.

"You two faced cock sucking bastard!"

Paul taken aback at his friend's language turned around to look at the door. Someone had to have come in for Shawn to be talking to him like he seemed to be now. Sure enough there wasn't anyone else there, and then it dawned on him why his friend might have turned on him so quickly.

"What the hell has gotten into you man?"

"When were you going to tell me the truth? You cowardly fucking bastard!"

"Is this about Grace man? Are you upset because I hauled off and smacked her for what she said about you?"

"You did what?"

"I slapped her man, I mean she just wouldn't shut her mouth and I had to make her see how wrong that was."

Shawn looked at the ground and cursed her name so loud that Paul would have been deaf not to take notice of it. "What does this have to do with Rebecca Shawn?"

"Paul you fucking moron, you just hauled off and slapped your own little girl. She must know that and she is paying me back for it for some unknown reason. I can't believe with working with you for this long I never saw it before now."

* * *


	8. Not Enough

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** It has taken me a long time to update this one only because I wanted to make sure I had another good chapter to carry the story on. This one will be short, much like the rest but maybe a little shorter because it is only going to pertain to one single event that will shape the lives of three of the key players in this story. Please be patient with me as this story goes along because I am trying to do the right thing in writing it and not be too entirely graphic but I still want to have a realistic edge to this, which comes from talking to people that have indeed done this to themselves and still do years later. To Katy, you are the most wonderful person and I am glad that at the end of the day when you look at yourself you see yourself better then you were before, and stronger. I am here if you ever need me and you have become one of the best people I know. Never give up and always live strong. That goes for anyone that reads this and knows me and my writing. The world is better with all of you in it!

* * *

Not in the mood for anymore talking then, the moved on to where their daughter, who could indeed turn out to be both of these men's daughter was at that very moment. 

Paul mentioned how she had stormed off into the women's locker room area and how knowing her she would still be in there seething at what Paul had just finished doing to her. He had always thought of her fondly, even when she turned on the only man she knew as her father, but now he had a totally different outlook on it.

Shawn was troubled because not only was his daughter there in the arena with him, but she had also turned on him, making him wonder just where he had gone wrong. Seeing her in his best friend's eyes had made him sick to his stomach but at the end of the day, he knew she came first had he had to make sure she knew how grateful he was to have her back near him once again.

Paul pounded on the locker room door, not wanting to walk right in because he knew that many women were in there during the night and even naked, and it just wasn't the right way to go about it. Shawn, standing at his side suddenly had enough of the calling names through the door and the pounding they were doing to get attention and pushed his way into the room.

The image before him then made him wretch and immediately head for the toilet. Blood was draining on the floor, slowly clotting and pouring out onto the floor from which she now lay. When he finished in the bathroom he made his way out to find that Paul, although also shaken, had bent to her and checked her for signs of life.

The knife, full of her blood was lying by her side, the only evidence that she had again been cutting herself in a form of release from what she saw as her life.

Shawn bent down to her and immediately grabbed her hand, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes, knowing that there was no one now that could see him and berate him for going against his strong image.

"Oh Gracie, will you please wake up? Daddy is here and he isn't leaving you this time, no matter what. I know I haven't done what you needed me to do but I will do it now, if only you hear me and let me know you are alive."

Paul stood then, taking her in his arms and making his way towards the swinging door to the locker room. Shawn pushed past him and held the door as Paul brought the young girl out, blood still dripped from her arms and legs. There had been a pulse but it had been so faint that Paul almost hadn't heard it.

"We need a medic here please! This girl is fading fast, please someone get a medic!" Shawn screamed, not yet ready to let on that the girl in question was his little girl, but doing everything in his power to make sure she made it through the night.

The medical personnel came running then, three of them ready and able to assist in whatever they could do until the ambulance came.

"Who is this?" one of the younger men asked, not sure he had ever seen this young woman in the ring before and not knowing she was indeed someone on the roster as of that night.

"Her name is Grace Michaels and she is my little girl. Please, she cut herself; she has been doing it for years. You need to do whatever it takes to make sure she lives. Please guys do not let her leave me again."

The medical men didn't know what the elder Michaels had meant by his last comment but were determined to help the girl no matter what the cost. As Shawn and Paul moved away and let the men do their work, both of them lowered their heads and prayed that she didn't die on the gurney there on that night. Not until this whole mess could be sorted out once and for all.

* * *


	9. The End Of The Game

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** With a couple of days to think about what I wanted to do with this now, I am prepared enough to write the next chapter and then will look at it again and go from there. I hate writing a story that I do not completely understand because I haven't done it, and I have done a lot but none the less, this is my next attempt at more pain for Shawn and Paul. Watch things come a boiling point.

* * *

"How is she Doc?" Shawn pressed upon him as soon as the young doctor walked from the dark room that now held his daughter. 

"Not good I am afraid. She has lost a serious amount of blood and judging from the cuts and abrasions on her arms and legs she has been slowly losing more of it over time. What she needs right now is a blood transfusion to keep her alive. We have her on the life support machines right now, but without the blood there is not much hope."

Shawn took in what the Doctor was telling him, not looking to where Paul stood now, his head bent into his hands, probably wondering who the donor would be out of the two of them. The last thing he wanted to hear right now is that he might not be the one to save the young girl in the room, the one he had raised as his own. The same one that now hated him for something he hadn't even known about.

"Of course I will give blood if you need it to save her life." Shawn sputtered out, looking then at the tile below him and noticing the cracks slowly climbing to the surface. _Kind of like the way your life turned out._

"You are going to take blood from me too then, because there is a possibility that Shawn might not be the match you need."

The doctor positioned himself between both men, who were obviously dealing with more then he then knew about but who both wanted nothing more then to save the little girl that was now fighting for her life. "Then you both need to come with me and you need to do it quick. We don't have much time."

As they made their way down the hallway, both men knew that this was going to be the worst time of their lives. Paul had indeed slept with Rebecca, but it had been once and he had been wasted out of his mind. He didn't think anything about it and she probably didn't either, but now was where it counted. Shawn knew what happened now, the pained expression gave it away and Paul wondered when it would finally hit the fan.

He didn't have to wait that long.

* * *

_Now just where the hell am I and what is that annoying noise? She wondered, blackness around her, something that although she liked, she wasn't at all used too. _

"_Oh I know now, my dad isn't my dad and he kept it from me all of these years, expecting me to just get over it when I did find out."_

_Sure she noticed the lines along her face that didn't match with her father or her mother. Sure it had made her wonder time and again as a child why she looked just a little different from the two people that had supposedly given her life. Little did she knew then that the man she loved as a father was not even her blood? _

_No Uncle Paul was the man with the lines on his face that made him looked tired all the time. She shared a common bond with a man that until the ripe age of 15 hadn't even bothered to come and visit her much. No he was her father and she wondered if he even had a clue, especially after the slap._

"_Well you are all going to know now aren't you? I cut myself just deep enough to almost kill myself and need your help. Well if the fur didn't fly before then it sure as hell better now. Bunch of lying sacks of shit."_

_The darkness clouded in around her again, taking her breath away and making it harder to fight. If she died, then her death and the reason behind it would surely haunt the men in her life forever._

_Letting go of the fight, she allowed herself to be taken in the darkness that awaited her. She wouldn't go to her grave a Michaels anymore, she was now a Levesque and she would make sure they never forgot that._

* * *

The doctor rushed to the room, hearing the machines as they let go of the woman they were holding on to so tightly. The nurses around him helped him try to bring her back and after ten minutes of trying everything under the sun, they timed their efforts and finally let Grace Michaels go into the darkness that had been calling to her. 

He slid the door open and he took in the father. He looked into the eyes of the man that had been her daughter for all of those years, and then slid his glaze to the man that now was to take over that role. The pain on their faces was undeniable and with his head held low, he went to deliver the final blows.

""I'm sorry, we tried everything we could, but it just didn't help. I'm sorry to have to tell you both this, but Grace is gone."

Shawn broke then and as Paul went to put his arms around his friend; Shawn gave the biggest shove he could muster. "Don't you get it Paul? You caused all of this, you and that bitch!"

Shawn rushed down the hallway, unsure of where he was heading but knowing he had to get away from the man that had ruined his life. Paul had known all along that something had happened between him and Rebecca and had never once come forward on it. Now his only little girl was dead and he had nowhere to place any of the hurt but on his supposed best friend.

Grace may have wanted Shawn to feel the most pain, but as Paul sat alone, listening to the doctor talking about what to do next with the body, the pain there was evident. He had slept with her mother and now he was sitting there, her father without really having known her. She may have wanted Shawn to feel pain but in the end, it was her father that felt the most as he buried his head in his hands and cried.

* * *


	10. The Funeral

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** Okay so this chapter will be the ending of it. I will make a sequel to it sometime in the future I am sure, but I figured out a way to end it on a high note, which means there is the possibility of something happening to these two men in the future where their daughter is concerned. I was going to make this go on for awhile longer, but when I killed her, I lost direction for it and knew it was only meant to be a small story. Thank you all for the support and look for the thank you chapter at the end of this one as always and well keep on reading, its great!

* * *

"_This is a sick cycle carousel."_

It had been a week since his only daughter, the one he thought had been his blessing all of these years had died, and now he had just watched as she was lowered into the ground. He had so much he wanted to say and the words just didn't seem to want to come.

Rebecca had made her way out from her new hole in the ground and been there to watch their daughter buried, without even so much as a word as to why all of these years she had lied to him. He didn't care about that anymore, but he did want answers.

As they stood and watched her lowered into the ground, the traditional prayer voiced by everyone there including the preacher, he wondered if he would ever really learn the truth and why his daughter had gone through the pain that she did.

Had he made her the way she was? Was he a horrible parent? He had been on the road so much when they were really growing up to be more then just little kids that he hadn't seen any signs until it was too late. She had run from him, because she thought he had something to do with the lies and emotional blackmail she had suffered and now, he hoped she knew wherever she was that he hadn't.

Of all the people in the world for Rebecca to choose to go with in that period of their lives, it had been his best friend, the man he trusted more then life itself, and look where it had gotten them now. They were at a crossroads, Shawn not sure if he could ever overlook what had happened and Paul wanting desperately to make everything right.

Not able to reach his friend at home, Paul had chosen to say what he felt on the answering machine, which made looking at him now, standing alone in the corner of the field that much harder. As much as he didn't want to think about it at a time like this, he couldn't get it out his mind.

"_Shawn I know what you must be going through right now because I am indeed going through almost the same thing. I did sleep with her, once a long time ago when I was too drunk and in pain over Joanie to know any better. I didn't know that Gracie wasn't your little girl though man, you have to believe that. I never once got a connection other then friendly being around her and I wish to God I could go back and change it all. I know I can't but in the future I hope you can come to me and talk about this, and maybe put an end to all of the pain all of us are suffering now."_

It hadn't been a long message, and it had gotten his part in all of this across very well, but Shawn didn't know if he should bother giving in to their long friendship anymore. What happened when he got a new girlfriend, and she became his wife and it happened all over again? Could he live with himself anymore then he could right at that moment?

It was then that Rebecca made her way over to where he stood alone, encased in the pain and not knowing a way out of it. "I am so sorry I didn't know that she would go this far Shawn. If I had known I would have made her stay with Connor and I."

Shawn looked at her then, really looked at her for the first time since their divorce so many years ago. She still looked the same, a little older around the eyes but still as easily pretty as she had always been. He had been a sucker to believe she really cared for him and their kids. The real question he had though was why he could have been so easily led and not realized it.

"You couldn't have done a damn thing to help her Rebecca because it was because of you and the person that you became that she is where she is now. I hope you are proud of yourself, you selfish bitch. If you think for one second I want Connor with you any more you have another thing coming. The next time you see me will be in court. I want our son back and this time for good."

He walked away from her then, allowing her to comprehend what had just happened and what the rest of her life would now be like. His heart was an empty hole and there seemed to be nowhere to get out. He wanted them all to feel exactly what was coming to them. Gracie had died in pain and agony, knowing a truth she couldn't even deal with knowing and now, he wanted them all sad and alone, feeling the same way. If he did anything else in this life, he would make them all pay and pay dearly.

"Don't worry Grace, I wont forget you or the reason of why you died the way you did. They will all feel the same pain that I am feeling now. I promise you that."

* * *


	11. The Thank You Chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**A/N:** For those of you that are not familiar with my writing, I have always done this at the end of them, which means I thank you personally for reading and reviewing my writing. So below, just look for your name and if you reviewed me, even if it was once, you will have a special thank you.

* * *

Phoenix-Satori10: _So did I manage to put your heartstrings to good use after all? It was a pleasure having you along for the ride, chapter one to the end and well I thank you very much for all the support you have and continue to give me as I keep taking cracks at love stories and other genres. One of these days we will have a hell of a lot to talk about when we meet. _

Latisha C:_ With all of the things I have written since you came along, you eventually ran out of nice things to say, not on this story but on one of my others, so I thank you for the kind words, and for also being a loyal reviewer to a fault. It means a great deal that you trust me with your writing when you send it to me, and I will continue to always be in awe of you and the easy way you have with conversation in your stories. Thanks again and see you at the next chapter update as usual._

Pennie: _You were a first time reviewer of my stuff I think at least under that name you have there. Thank you for taking an interest in this and I hoped you liked what I did with it, maybe I will see you around for the sequel which should come out sometime in the summer when I get done with the other series I am writing._

litachk9: _I think I gained you when I wrote the Chris and Lita story but then not only didn't you stop after that one ended, but you spent a lot of time really getting inside my characters and what they went through and for all of that and the reviews I am grateful and well keep on being the great person you are and I will see you around with the other stories and the sequel to this one. _

ohmystars: _This screen name makes me chuckle a little because it is something my mother has said on a regular basis to me growing up. Whenever I did something that she thought was over the top, she always said "Oh my Stars." So well thank you for having such a cool name and for also taking the time to get into this story, another first time reviewer of my writing. It means a lot that you got that into it and even called me an awesome writer._

kandiland: _Another reviewer that has been loyal to me to a fault. There are like six of you I believe that come in for every chapter or pretty close to it and you really get into what I am writing about and you tell me what you found good and what you didn't understand. It feels good to get that kind of feedback and for all of the time you have spent over the last six months or so reading all of my stuff I thank you and for the wonderful reviews._

Princess-Muse v2.0: _Now I have to tell you this girl because you might not hear it anywhere else. You make me laugh a lot when I get reviews because you go away to live real life for awhile and then you come and read everything one after the other and then fill my box up to the hills with reviews. I always know when you have come back because if I had 10 chapter updates in the time you were gone, then there is always like 12 reviews from you because you can't sign in and sometimes send the same review twice. So thank you for taking the time to come back even when you have such a busy life and I will see you again in my email box with another million reviews real soon I am sure. _

bkerbunny: _You said I was the queen of intense situations, and that is because I think I am a drama queen inside my head. I don't let that show to most people but when I write, I like to make couples and or people go through some pretty heavy stuff before the good ending comes, or in this case doesn't come. Thank you for getting it, even though you are a blonde, like that makes any difference, LOL. Thank you also for the reviews and all of the time you must spend reading all my updates if you don't get right on them, it means a lot that you like to read and that you like to read my stuff. Don't even forget that bunny story I told you though, that was some funny shit, LOL_

Tink2:_ I think you only reviewed this once, so did you ever come back and learn who the "real" father was? Anyway, you are the one constant in my life at least from the very beginning and when the going gets tough and all my websites get full to the brim, I can always count on you to post them on your site. You have given me a lot of confidence over the years and for that and the reviews I thank you from the bottom of my heart. We have both come along way in our lives in just one year and it has to be the best year of my life because I have known you._

XtremeDiva22: _Since I am going in chapter review order here, I come to you next and you like a few other people that always review my stuff have stuck with me through more then once story, so that is where your first thank you comes from. Secondly, you are another one that likes to get inside my characters with each chapter and then tell me what you really liked or what you didn't get. I thank you for that too as well as the reviews. I hope I can continue to make good wrestling stories for you to read and love._

Twistd Heartz:_ Thank you first for reviewing me and then telling me you felt this one was different then some of the ones you had read on the site in awhile. To me there wasn't anything better you could have said because I do like to set myself apart from most writers. Plus I kind of take it too seriously for my own good even though it is wrestling fan fiction that I get lost in my own story. Thank you for the reviews and I hope you liked the way it ended and that there will be a part two._

HurricaneGurl41: _You are my sister but you really need to do something about your net at home man, ha-ha I miss when you used to sign in and be there all the time. Although I haven't been any better, and you haven't heard or seen from me in awhile. But since I update you know I am alive and well. Now thank you for the reviews when you could make the time for them, it does mean a lot to me and so do you. I hope to see you around at some of my other stories sometime soon. See you at the next update that fills your box!_

Fidelitas: _I like it when people just read my stories and then get to a point where I do something major and they have no other choice but review. I think that is what I did with you and then you had to come in and say "Paul is the real father?" in which case then you had to keep reading because well man, I made it pretty screwed up for that family. None the less, the fact that you have read and reviewed at all is a big treasure for me and I thank you for the time spent on reading this and letting me know what you thought. I hope to see you around for other stories of mine as well as the sequel to this when I write it._

Jess420: _You are another one like the lady before you. The line you said "What? You ended it right there?" was classic and it did make me want to shake my ass and keep updating this more, so thank you for the reviews, for the support and well for getting my ass in gear to do something with this story that people like me might enjoy. I hope to see you around for more stories in the future!_

Mysteree: _You are not the first person that I have managed to take down in one foul swoop with my writing. I remember one of the girls that reviews my writing not at all being a squealer and in the end, she ended up squealing and had to make sure I knew about it in the next story review she did. I am happy that I could touch you in that way and make you actually feel for the characters I was writing about, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reviewing and for letting me know what you thought._

**To Anyone Else That Reviews After The Fact: **_For those of you that will review when this is said and done and older then sin I want to thank you now separately for it, so that in the end you do not feel left out of the loop. It means a lot that any of you take the time to read my writing and good or bad let me know what you thought and as long as there are people like you out there, then I will continue to write stories that you may want to read. Keep smiling and I will see you in the next story as usual._

* * *


	12. An Important Note To Readers

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the WWE wrestlers listed in this story, they are owned by the WWE and the Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Like so many others, I have no money to be sued so any likeness to real life is completely coincidental.

**Summary:** A well known superstar's daughter deals with being almost famous, with tragic consequences.

**Genre:** Angst and Drama

**Author's Note to All Who Read and Will Read this Story**

The need for me to write this author's note made itself very clear in one emailed review that I received on the first chapter of the story. I felt the need to speak for myself and what my intentions were where this story was concerned so that in the long run it doesn't happen again. First of all, if you do not want to read the story past the first chapter, then you don't have too. I am the kind of writer that feeds of whatever I get and what I don't get, which makes me that much better at what I do then some other people that just give up and never really try. So by writing this I hope to dispel some of the thoughts that have been presumed about me as the writer of a story that "I know nothing about" and maybe help other reviewers and or readers understand why I wrote it and anything else that comes along with it.

My main intention in writing this story contrary to what some of you may believe was in fact to deal with my own pain from what I call "self harming." I may not have been the kid in class that cut themselves, and I don't presume to know what that feels like but by taking almost a full bottle of pills in a sitting more then once through my teenage years I can tell you that I may not understand cutting, but I did "self harm." It is something that years later and happier I have come to terms with in my own way and do not feel bad about and none of the people that self harm themselves should either. I did not write this story to make light of a serious problem, but instead make other people that don't know about it see the true pain that it does cause, for both the victim and the people in their lives.

Secondly, when I started this story I didn't do it off the top of my head; the music I chose to put at the beginning of my head was off the top of my head because I thought putting painful music in a painful story about a painful topic might make it more believable. But in the end, this story was not made from me just thinking about why people do this and making something up as I went along, and I will now tell you what I did to come to the conclusion with this story that I did and then you can take it from there.

I have about three friends from school days that although didn't tell me at the time they were doing it, ended up doing so and telling me why they think in their hearts that they did it, and what feelings they got from it. Not only those three people but three more I have met since have also given me similar but different insight into this growing problem with the youth today. Most people would have made a story about that a lot worse then I did, but by doing what I did in the manner that I did it, I tried to not only get sympathy for the issue at hand, but also to enlighten people about something that most people do not go through on a daily basis. Mostly because they choose other avenues or come to terms with problems, and own them before it gets that far. Whatever the case, it could have been a hell of a lot worse on my part then it was.

Did I get it wrong? Maybe I did to a degree because not all people do feel the same way as the girl in the story did when they self harm themselves, but there are a certain amount that you have to open your eyes too that do feel that way and will continue to feel that way until someone helps them out of it. Every person is different in what they make of their own pain and people deal with it differently when trying to fix it, so when you look at this story, you need to look at it as a story and not as a real life fictional report about something or someone. It isn't about anyone; it is about calling attention to a world wide problem that has many ways of ending.

Not only did I have these people in my life that I talked and learned from but I also did an enormous amount of research before putting pen to paper to see if what I would end up writing would be at least partially true. So in the end, you may think I know nothing about it, and you might damn well be right, I never said I was one of the people that did it, just that for once there is someone that doesn't sit there and blame you for why you do it. I think what I made this girl go through in her fictional world, was a lot easier then it really is, and I didn't want to take it too far that I couldn't come back from it and turn a lot of people off my writing.

I have had the experience of knowing wonderful people that may be looked at as sick because of what they do to themselves, but in the end they are still wonderful people and no different then you or I, just a little more hurt. I have known people that got such a rush from controlling themselves in that way, that hurting themselves didn't really register until long after it was all over. They would embrace the pain because they really didn't think there was any other way out; they felt that bad and scared in their lives, which is why I wrote it the way I did in the story. I chose one avenue to take to write this, one side of a many sided coin and I think I did an alright job with it. I wanted to convey the pain and if you read what people got out of it then you will see that I accomplished that as I set out to do.

I did not put a big red bow on this subject and make it look all glamorous because let's face it people, it aint all that pretty to think about. For me, when I wrote it, I dealt with my own old personal demons; kept hidden for a long time, as well as give a voice to those people I know that have been through it the same was as my character. You may no it is wrong to do what you are doing and you might have your own very personal reasons for doing it that no one can judge but you and the people that know you best. I don't even pretend to want to save the world, and I do not pretend to know it all, I just think putting a voice to something so serious was what had to be done and I think I did it.

If the girl that wrote me the review looks at this note ever in her future, I am sure you are a wonderful person and what you are dealing with is a very painful and sad thing. I do not know how you as a person are dealing with it, I don't know you and make no idea that I do know you or other people that are like you in the way they think. I hope that you have a wonderful life filled with hope and get to live all of your dreams the way God intended for you too, and I know you can get past the pain.

But at the end of the day, after what I said here and what the story said for itself, it was indeed a story it was indeed fictional, save for the research I did in studies I read and the people I talked too. It was my point of view on a topic I wanted to know more about and help people make note of in their lives before something bad happens. Thank you in the long run for writing that review to make me speak out here and hopefully make a point. I do realize you didn't write it to bash me, but to make me see your point of view, which at the end of all of this, I have.

I wish you all well in your lives no matter what the turnout and I hope to see all of you again in another one of my stories. Thank You,

Lissa


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